Thursday, September 03, 2009

I'm making things up...

Yesterday when I posted about Winter, I was feeling so positive, like I was ready to tackle something...

Yeah.

And by the end of the day I was crying to Mango, "I have a Master's Degree and my life's goal is to have all the laundry done." Yep, you heard me. I was crying about laundry.

Well, not really.

I was whining about how hard it is to feel like I actually ever DO anything because everything I do needs to be done again - grocery shopping, dinner, laundry, mopping, washing the bathroom mirror. And the other things I do are so hard to see - the books I read to Mane, the time spent teaching math and reading, bike rides to keep us both strong and healthy (and to save the planet while we're at it). And those things look far too much like FUN. So, I feel like I should be working harder. I should be DOing something. I should be able to stay on top of the bills and advertise for my childbirth classes and generally make life perfect and peaceful for everybody in my house.

And if life is not perfect and peaceful for everyone in my house, I shouldn't be blogging or reading books for fun or posting on a message board.

Hmmffff...

It really makes no sense does it? If I run myself into the ground getting everything done then I'll be...well...smushed into the ground. Which kind of negates whatever it was I was trying to do, right? Still, it gets so hard to fight that feeling sometimes.

So, this post is to remind me (and all the other mothers reading here) that we are doing something. The fruit of my work isn't as tangible as other work, but it flowers quietly in things like the attachment I share with my children. And just because what I do can't be SEEN well from the outside doesn't mean I'm not DOing anything. And it doesn't mean I can't be tired. Or need a little time to do something just for me.

There. I needed a pep talk.

6 comments:

  1. great post, amy! i am glad that you can give yourself such a reminder, and i know that all the rest of us mommies are thankful for it too! have you ever read kathleen norris' title: the quotidian mysteries: laundry, liturgy & "women's work"? it might be one worth picking up for such a time as this ;)

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  2. Thanks for the recommendation, Lauren!

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  3. For some of us who do "tangible" work outside the home....it leaves us feeling incomplete, as if we're not DOing anything. At our home. For our home. With the small people IN our home. What a road we all travel, and somehow end up on the same, exact road. :) Happy Friday.

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  4. Ironic, isn't it? I was thinking the other day, too, about how my husband, Mango, works outside the home as a teacher. The work of teachers can be SO intangible, too...leaving them, too, wondering if they're really DOing anything.

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  5. I totally know what you mean. I think that's why staying home is so hard for me, too. Everything needs to be done again. Laundry, grocery shopping, dinner - they're never ending. Thanks for the pep talk!

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  6. Those daily grind tasks sure do make you feel this way. I walk around thinking "the human spirit was made to conquer more than a pile of laundry." But while I'm DOing that stuff, I'm DOing something intangible that is SO important. SO hard to remember that. Because that stuff just keeps piling up and getting in the way.

    Great post, lady.

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It's always good to hear from you!