CAMPING!

I am so, so, so very grateful for the opportunity to go camping, and I LOVE to plan camping trips!

Getting ready for our first trip of the season, I'm thinking of adding a few candles to the packing. I have a few LEDs from the thrift store. If it's windy, these will work better than flame candles:

I dug out the fire starters to see what we have left & what we still need. Three left over from last year with a bunch of matches, kept safe and dry in a Folgers container:

I STILL have the yarn crafts from 2 years ago, when we had the best decorated site!

Certainly there will be a yarn bag coming with us to camp this year! As well as drawing supplies, bird books, tree books, and The Fellowship of the Ring. Last summer was the summer of Harry Potter. This will be the summer of The Lord of the Rings. I'm not sure what could be better than nature, campfires, books & yarn all together on a trip!

Making a meal plan right here:

Day 1:
Dinner - Tin foil Packs: Sausages, Broccoli, Cheese, Corn

Day 2:
Breakfast - Pie Iron Sausage Biscuits (photo from the Duluth trip last year)

Lunch - Something like this (photo from Williams Sonoma):

Or this:

Dinner - Pie Iron Sandwiches, Cabbage Salad (shredded cabbage, corn, chickpeas, lime juice, salt...maybe some sweetener like truvia, maybe some slivered almonds)

Day 3:
Breakfast - Muffin Pan Eggs from Vien's Kitchen (I would scramble, though, with poblanos, sausage, cheese, broccoli, onion flakes)

Lunch - Cold Sandwiches (so as not to start another fire), Carrots, Hummus, Cabbage Salad
Dinner - at home

Snacks:
Chips & Salsa
Nuts & Raisins

Beverages:
Coffee & Cream, Tea, Ecodrink, Almond Milk

SO EXCITED!!!

Thoughts from the beach at Lake Superior...

Last week we camped...5 days, 4 nights...just on the outskirts of Duluth. We brought the whole family + Novio.

On Wednesday evening I sat on the rock beach watching the waves come in, nestled up close to Mango, the wind whirring in our ears. Mane collected "rock babies." Vespera and Novio sat quietly, first taking pictures and then just still and contemplative. My heart was so full I could have laughed or cried. Instead I poured out my thoughts to Mango, poured them into the wind and the waves.

I have always loved the passion and intensity of teenage emotion. I love that electricity. And I think we are faced with a couple of choices as we grow out of our teenage years. We can stop feeling all that intensity because it's heavy and difficult, because it's hard to be stable and cope with life at that level of emotionality all the time. OR we can allow ourselves to feel, to be fully alive. And, in being fully alive, we have so much more experience and depth to the emtional intensity that follows. It makes your heart feel like bursting so very often, but the joy is just as deep and intense. Sometimes I feel as though I might drown in my own heart, covered over by the depth of all that I've learned and experienced since those teenage years.

I was aware, sitting there on the beach, that Vespera and Novio were in the midst of one of those deeply emotional moments. Novio comes from the ocean, and surfing was his hobby. Since moving to Minnesota he has not visited a body of water so vast that you cannot see the other side. The water and waves of Lake Superior were both the wound and the balm at the same time. So poignant. So bittersweet. The waves washed up old memories, even while we were there creating new ones.

I asked if the Lake made him homesick. His answer was heavy but quick and direct, "Yes, but Vespera is here, and I want to be with her." And they curled into each other, one wave inside another.

I honor the depth and breadth and truth of the emotions that my child and her Novio held out there in the wind that evening, while also acknowledging that the strength and depth of my own emotions go deeper...just because I've lived longer and known more, because I know them AND I know me. The wild ride of learning that we have intense and passionate emotional selves that begins in the teen years is really only the beginning. I can keep a cap on it better now if I want to, but when I sit in that quiet created by the rushing wind and crashing waves and allow myself to feel, I know that I draw from a well that is deeper now than it used to be. And I am so glad. I feel as though so many people around me have forgotten how to really just be connected to the waters of passion and intensity, of life and vitality. And the lack of connection limits our ability to love, to know joy, to be loved.

I do wonder how this relates to our ability to know God and be loved by God. God is such a powerful, intense, and vast Being. We connect a little bit to that vastness in those in-between years when we're so full of life and vitality ourselves. So much gets lost in the race to be successful, to care for our families, to do the necessary day-to-day things that we forget. We forget to open our arms wide to the wind and let the waves wash over us. We're filled with inhibitions that come from more experience, from fear. But our possibilities for understanding and knowing that Greatness, that Vastness are so much greater as we gain experience, more life, more depth. It's a conundrum, a paradox. Experience creates our inhibitions, but it also increases our potential for knowing and being loved by God and other human beings.

And this is why I love the wind and the waves. I love the way that the natural world grounds me in my humanness while drawing me into eternity, into a full, wide, expansive relationship with God and with others.

I want to live with the expansiveness of a teenager and with the tiny bits of wisdom I've gained since then. I want to put to use the full range of human life and emotion that God has granted me. I am willing.

The Ultimate Camping Trip Packing List

Last time we were packing for a camping trip Vespera & Novio stood around my counter grinning and laughing about my LIST. Apparently they've never known anyone who writes lists so neurotically (they haven't seen my mother in action). Vespera actually whispered to Novio that I write grocery lists. *gasp* Who has ever heard of such a thing?! The truth is that my brain stopped optimal functioning somewhere around my 3rd week of pregnancy, and I haven't been able to remember things very well ever since. So, I write lists. Once I had written the same camping list over and over every summer for I-don't-know-how-many summers, I decided to write the list on the computer and keep it. Back then I didn't know that one only has to do a google search to find the list they're looking for, and then one doesn't actually have to even come up to the original list. So, this is my own original list...for those of you who just google everything. ;)

Cooking:
Cooler
Grill
Charwood
Grilling utensils
Foil
Ziplocs
Water Bag
Cooking Pots
Coffee Pot
Knife
Plates & Bowls
Eating Utensils
Napkins
Peeler Dicer Slicer
Mugs
Dishcloth
Dish Soap
Tea
Coffee
Sauce
Storage containers

Sleeping:
Sleeping bags
Air mats
Pillows
Light Blankets
Tent
Tarp
Flashlight

Misc.:
Camera & Film
Trash Bags
Bikes & Trailer
Books
Games
Pen & Paper
Toys
Map
Reservation Info.
Cell Phone
Wallet
ipod

Clothes & Personal:
Shoes
Socks
Underclothes
PJs
Shorts & Pants
Shirts
Swimming Suits
Jacket
Comb
Hair Ties
Toothbrushes & Paste
Shampoo & Conditioner
Deodorant
Towels
Washcloths
Wipes
Lotion
Sunscreen
Bug Stuff
Soap
Keeper
Itch Relief
Fingernail Clippers

Before Leaving:
Close Windows
Check Laundry
Run Dishwasher
Take out trash
Unplug computer
Tell the grandparents we’re gone


I cross off the things I'm not bringing for this particular trip as soon as I get started. Then I figure out how many meals we need, write a meal plan, and write a list of what foods we need to bring to accomplish the meal plan. Presto. Finished. Sounds like a lot of work. I promise it's less work than running to the grocery store every five minutes after you've already left on your trip.

So, that's my Martha Stewart moment for the day. Maybe I should call this Domestic Notes from the MidnightCafe...unless ya'll have another suggestion.

Funny Camping story

Mane saw a pop-up tent trailer for the first time. She observed how the bunks stick out the sides of the pop up, and you could see the beds since the curtains were open. The people who were staying in the tent trailer were sitting out by their fire when we were walking by & Mane loudly proclaimed, "How embarrassing to have to sleep like that!!"

Photos from Whitewater

Hiking Trail


Cliffs


Flood Damage


More Flood Damage


Food Picure! ...just for Tesha!


And Feet Picture! ...also for Tesha!


Our Campsite

Whitewater State Park

I promised to write about camping. So, here I am. When I'm on a different computer, I'll post pictures, too.

We spent 3 nights, 4 days at Whitewater State Park in southern Minnesota where the rumors proved true that there are indeed very few mosquitos at Whitewater. "We" included myself, Mango, Vespera, Mane & Novio. Yes, everything, including the gluten free groceries, fit in the Subaru Forester, though somehow it all took up the same amount of space on the way home, though we had eaten most of the food. We learned that Mane can hike longer than all the rest of us combined, that last year's flood left rock piles on the sides of the river full of all kinds of interesting gems, and that cool nights and warm days make perfect camping weather, as long as you have a warm enough sleeping bag.

We also learned, again, that we have the best family ever, that we can do anything, and that some major bumps in the road - like a trip to the emergency room and another trip to the sporting good's store in Rochester to get warmer nighttime gear -don't have to ruin a trip. We *still* came home raving about what a great trip it was, and I made reservations today for our next camping trip in August. We're troopers, and we have a sense of humor.

Everything in my life these days has something to do with letting go, with breaking free, with loosening my grip a little bit. This trip included the aforementioned major events that required some letting go, but those aren't the things that really pierced my heart and taught me something. I handle major catastrophes pretty well. What lays my heart open this year is something that most parents experience sooner or later...the letting go of their children. And I realized something. Letting our children go doesn't mean that we have a sudden rush of relief that we're no longer responsible for them or that now we can relax and believe that everything will be fine. In fact, seeing them move away, get married, have their own children simply provides more opportunity for anxiety and more things and people to be anxious about. Which means, that unless I can take this anxiety to the cross, I'm stuck with it...and more...for the rest of my life. Nice thought, eh?

To what do I owe this sudden preoccupation with letting go? Well, I owe it to Novio and his presence on our trip, of course...his responsible, compassionate, humorous, and gracious presence. Vespera & Novio began dating over 14 months ago now, a little over a year, and their relationship continues to deepen in a way that seems to be leading toward a lifelong commitment. I saw the way they work and play together, the way they tease and protect each other, the way Vespera is tranferring some of her reliance on myself and Mango to reliance on Novio. And I am practicing the oft-neglected art of staying out of the way. It's a careful dance - knowing when to speak up and when to be quiet, when to carefully plant a word of advice and when to wait it out.

I *do* see and acknowledge how this "letting go" is not a real letting go at all but only a change of roles. And I see how Vespera's eventual commitment to a lifelong partner will involve more gain than loss for all of us...a son for us, possible grandchildren. Wow. Too much to think about. I have to admit I love the feeling that we're building a more full family. I love having 5 people on a trip. I love the way we troop around together. I love the way it feels comfortable and natural, the way Mango and I take up our role together as partners and parents.

I am dizzy with how fast my life has changed in the last few years. Just barely over two years ago I would never have imagined that I'd be sending a daughter to college next year, or thinking of her eventual marriage. I don't feel a whole lot wiser, but I do feel as though I've grown up some. I've grown up enough to be "mom" to a 17 year old and to sometimes "mother" her 19 year old boyfriend. Our time with her has not been enough, though, and that's where the letting go is difficult and painful. It doesn't matter, though, that it's painful. It is necessary and healthy, for her empowerment, for her happiness and health, for her ability to live and love and be free.

And I suppose that's what raising children is all about.

Camping!!

We're going camping next week, and I am SO VERY EXCITED!! Did I mention that I'm excited?! Camping has always been so good for my soul, and this year I am looking forward to the trip as the beginning of our journey into summer. I've had a full plate this year, loads of anxiety, maximum stress levels, and I'm still operating under high stress mode until we get out the door, but I can't begin to tell you how much I'm looking forward to this trip. I feel like I'm ready to embrace the quiet, the peace, the stillness. I am SO READY this year. And it's not because it's been so stressful, but because I think my heart is more open this year. Every year I heal a little more from past hurts. I grow up a little. I learn. So, every year I'm a little more open to what I can receive in the quiet. Each year we camp in June when school gets out and before it's too hot. This year is tough because we'll be packing up Mango's office at school when we return home. I'm hoping, though, that the trip will revive us, that we'll return home with more joy and energy for the journey. A new sense of direction might be asking too much, but, perhaps, we'll even gain some excitement about the possibilities ahead.