We picked another tomato from the garden this morning...and a carrot! And we cut several sunflowers for the vase on the table. It really is amazing the way all those little seeds turn into great big plants and then real food that we can eat. I've got 4 quarts of canned tomatoes in the cabinet from the garden this summer, and I have 6 more tomatoes in the fridge...not to mention the several dozen that are yet to ripen. I am totally looking forward to next year. Now that I finally broke ground and grew a garden, I'm ready for a bigger one next year. I'm glad I just did it this year even though it was late going in.
So many things in my life are like that garden. I don't know what I'm getting into until I just do it, and then it's wonderful. I put it off, daunted by the size of the task, forgetting that baby steps are possible. I'm learning something about that this year...about taking baby steps, not trying to do everything all at once, not worrying about getting it right the first time, stepping forth without knowing what the end product will be. I thought I knew what faith was before, and now I am astonished. I am learning faith...baby steps...little by little. And now I see how far I have to go. And as I learn faith, I do believe that God takes everything just one step further. The Unseen Hand waits for me just one step ahead, always pulling me forward, calling me forth into the wild future and the abundant provision...calling me to a bigger garden...more work and more provision...more faith and more miracles.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Life has been a whirlwind of camp, summer homework, and then school starting and soccer season for the last few months. Vespera came home to us after a long weekend with her family. I sense that our relationship is turning into something new now. It's painful, and yet I'm filled with curiosity. This summer she needed me a lot, and it was intense. She cried and I held her. We walked arm in arm. With the start of school, I think she feels less alone, and I am less her sole comfort. I see less of the deep emotional part of her, and I think the intensity has cooled a bit. Now, it's time for her and I to do the real work of building a relationship. The desperation of the summer months has passed and we are learning the dance of life together. It occured to me that I'm not sure how to be affectionate with her when she's not crying or upset. I'm not sure how to reach out and hug and love her when we're just here, us, being family. It's the German part of me showing up. And I think it's a bit of fear, too. I want to be the right person, do the right thing. God help me. I'm not perfect, but I sure want to be. I don't want to make mistakes with her. She seems so fragile sometimes. Dear perfect God in heaven, show me the way.