Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Dating News

So, Novio came over this afternoon before Vespera got home from school. They had a major misunderstanding last night, and though they worked through it last night over the phone, he came over today in person to re-connect. I chatted with him a little waiting for Vespera to get home from school. I told him I knew about what happened last night & wanted to know what his intentions were toward her because she cares for him a lot and, therefore, his actions carry a lot of weight around here. Essentially they need to either cool it or they need to be really invested because there isn't a whole lot of middle ground any more. Am I making sense?

Sooooooooo, anyway, I was sitting here in my living room with a pounding headache (another story), talking to Novio, and he looked me straight in the eye, as his own eyes filled with tears, and he said, "She means more to me than anything. I want you to know that I love her. I really love her."

Wow.

Ok.

I knew this already. But I hadn't heard it with my own ears. He was really nervous, but also quite sincere.

Just so you know, she'll be 18 in October. He'll be 19 in May. It's entirely overwhelming to me to be overseeing this kind of relationship. This has strong potential to last a really long time, and I can hardly fathom it. I've never watched a relationship from this angle before, never been so responsible for guiding and advice-giving. Its amazing and overwhelming. Really, it's kind of beautiful. Watching them has brought back a lot of memories for Mango & I.

It's hard, though, you know? You don't want to push your kids in a relationship, but you also don't want them to just give up. You want to see them learn to communicate & work through differences. But, all the while, they are so young. I'm not going to stay out of it & let them flounder around, but I also want to communicate that if this isn't the right relationship for them, they can get out. Tough stuff.

2 comments:

  1. Wow, indeed. It boggles me that you're dealing with dating stuff, and I'm just getting to the point where I'm considering having a baby. I think being in your shoes would scare me to death!

    I think it's great you asked him, kinda, what his intentions are, and let him know that you care about how he treats Vespera. I think that's an important thing for a guy to know. While I hate my current situation, the last relationship i was in left me with scars because I don't feel that my family ever did stick up for me when it came to him. I think there's a middle ground, and I hope you find it.

    Let them know you care, you're there for them - and if he screws up he'll have to answer to someone!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, I think scared to death would be a good way to describe how I've felt. It keeps me on my toes! When you realize how much your actions as a parent matter you realize you need to stop thinking about it or you won't be able to do anything.

    I'm only half teasing. It's taught me a lot about God, faith, & myself. The pathway to beating anxiety has been to actually look all these fears straight in the eye and pursue the journey anyway...with God, with Mango, with all my friends and all the little tools I've picked up along the way.

    ReplyDelete

It's always good to hear from you!