Splashing

Gifts just keep on dropping down, splashing into my soul, soaking into the dry and dreary winter places...

Sixty-Three. Newly rearranged living room...almost like buying new furniture only less expensive.

Sixty-Four. Looking back on the last year and seeing that I've learned something FINALLY about letting myself be loved and knowing what a difference it makes in my marriage to be able to do that.

Sixty-Five. Mane's cooperation after only 15 minutes of meltdown this morning over the math book.

Sixty-Six. Not melting down myself along with Mane.

Sixty-Seven. The aloe plant that is still alive, despite its bedraggled appearance. Live, little plant, LIVE.

Sixty-Eight. Duct tape (for putting the folding keyboard back together so I can still use it with my tablet!)

Sixty-Nine. Time spent reading the last Harry Potter book with Mango...in bed, sipping wine.

Seventy. The freedom to spend half the morning talking about political caucuses with Mane in order to prepare her for attending the caucus tonight.

Seventy-One. Health. I'm not sick yet. I won't get sick. I refuse to get sick!

Seventy-Two. New ring tones.

Seventy-Three. Crocheted owl. Not finished yet, but looking very cute.

Gifts, Among Other Things

Other Things. There have been a lot of Other Things since this blog began. Vespera's adoption and our subsequent journey to Juarez to claim her freedom. Niteo's entrance into our family, fraught with trepidation, wonder, grace and joy. Graduations. The Wedding. My appendix and carcinoid tumor. Mane's sleep (or general lack, thereof). Car crashes. Homeschooling. The death of my high school friend in Colorado.

And now there is another Other Thing. My Mom. My mom has Merkel Cell Carcinoma. It's a rare, aggressive skin cancer (just quoting wikipedia there). I'm not here to rewrite the details. It's the fact that it's here, as one more Thing. It's the thing that follows us all around now. The shadow that casts before or behind, depending on whether we're facing the sun this day or not.

The flurry of tests and doctors appointments are over for the moment. This week is the calm before the storm. She begins chemo next Tuesday. And radiation next month. And there will be blood draws and scans and many, many more appointments.

So, this Other Thing is here to stay for a while. And I turn slowly toward the sun, toward gratitude, because when we face the sun the shadow falls behind us. I know I can't always look this way...away. And sometimes all we can do is look the shadow in the face and try to remember that the sun is there...behind us. Today, though, I choose to face the sun, if only for these few respite moments.

Forty-Nine. Yes, Janis. :) And all the other friends, who may or may not want their names mentioned on my blog. So, I'll keep them nameless. I am thankful for the love and hugs, the listening ears, the offers for tangible help, the SOUP...

Fifty. Crocheting is a gift, and friends who share the joy of crafting with. Crocheting is my anti-anxiety, anti-depressant drug. It gives my hands something to do, and it brings me the satisfaction of creating. I get the rush of finishing something and the joy of giving things away.

Fifty-One. Found a tunisian crochet hook at the thrift store! Score.

Fifty-Two. Last night, while blogging for Peregrin House, I saw how much Mane has learned in the last month, even with the Other Things happening around us. I am so grateful for the moments when I really see this.

Fifty-Three. Cooperation from Mane on math homework. (Yes, I bribed her with Brie cheese.)

Fifty-Four. Irish cheese (since I won't touch the Brie).

Fifty-Five. A keyboard for my tablet so I can sit here at the kitchen table and type this while Mane studies history!

Fifty-Six. Stickers (also used for bribery).

Fifty-Seven. I am grateful that Mane is so pleased with the little things...like stickers :) I have worked hard to raise a child, who is satisfied, who doesn't demand more all the time. And I see today how much the little things please her, and I'm so grateful.

Fifty-Eight. Telephones. Amazing how much technology shows up in my list of gifts, isn't it? I am grateful for the phone that lets me have an hour conversation with my mom, even though she lives an hour away.

Fifty-Nine. Snow. Yep, I think the little snowflakes are gifts. I love the rain more, but in January I can settle for a little bit of snow.

Sixty. Getting out on Saturday by myself to go to an event where JANIS was speaking at one of my favorite little local stores.

Sixty-One. Netflix documentaries.

Sixty-Two. Crayons. Colored pencils. Oil pastels. All the options!

One Thousand Gifts - Beginning with 32

Thirty-Two. Lunch with friends. That's what I'm doing today.

Thirty-Three. Vespera's cooking. Yum!

Thirty-Four. Homeopathy.

Thirty-Five. Grandpa Upstairs, who is working hard on the basement project for Vespera & Niteo.

Thirty-Six. Grandpa Upstairs, who will spend time with Mane pretty much whenever I need him to.

Thirty-Seven. Grandpa Up North, who can laugh in the middle of crisis.

Thirty-Eight. Grandpa Up North (my dad), who takes such good care of Grandma Up North (my mom).

Thirty-Nine. Having parents that stayed together and set an example of making marriage work.

Forty. Having in-laws that stayed together and set an entirely different example of making marriage work.

Forty-One. Mango, who will stay up until 1am (or 2 or 3), if that's what it takes.

Forty-Two. Books. I have a lot of them.

Forty-Three. A sweet back yard with a tree that Mane can climb.

Forty-Four. Mane climbing the tree in her winter duds in the rain/snow yesterday.

Forty-Five. A flexible job.

Forty-Six. People who tip generously.

Forty-Seven. Places to swim in the winter.

Forty-Eight. Books that Mane loves to read, namely the Harry Potter books.

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This post was inspired by Ann Voskamp at:

   

It's not here to stay

...the new template, I mean. It turns out that the beautiful chocolate beach template that I've used forever has its photos hosted at photobucket and has exceeded its bandwidth. Apologies to those of you who logged in to see the ugly bandwidth exceeded message while I've been away. I guess it's time to get Mango to design me a real template...

One Thousand Gifts - the 3rd post

Twenty-Two. Christmas lights in a world of dark and snow.

Twenty-Three. Beautiful yarn for making gifts.

Twenty-Four. Coffee shops with kid entertainment.

Twenty-Five. Wood for the fireplace.

Twenty-Six. Candles on the table.

Twenty-Seven. Craft night with the lady-folk.

Twenty-Eight. Friends who use hanging out with me as an excuse to not get their homework done.

Twenty-Nine. Sunshine on a wintry day.

Thirty. The nativity set from my old church that got passed on to me.

Thirty-One.The silly talk of 2yr olds.

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This post was inspired by Ann Voskamp at:

One Thousand Gifts - Edition 2

Twelve. Homeschool friends, who came over for the afternoon to play.

Thirteen. The Tapestry Folk Dance Center, where we went yesterday. Thank you, God, for planting us in a city that appreciates art, poetry, dance... I first visited the Tapestry on a swing dance night when I was in college. My brother-in-law went almost every Thursday. He learned English Country Dance there, too, and he taught his students when he became an English teacher. Now my daughter takes lessons there with an awesome group of homeschool friends.

Fourteen. A beautiful, little tree-lined backyard right here in the middle of the city.

Fifteen. Neighbors to share our backyard.

Sixteen. A house that is just big enough...and warm enough...and beautiful.

Seventeen. The fireplace in the big enough, warm enough house!

Eighteen. Photographs...those that line the mantle and those that don't. I'm grateful to live in a time of photographs, to be able to hold onto those memories just a little more clearly.

Nineteen. Email from a friend, who moved away. Oh, dear God, I do not deserve such good friends, but here that are, and they send me encouragement just when I need it, and I'm startled by the way they care about me so much. Help me to always be so grateful.

Twenty. The pocketcast app that Mango put on my tablet so I can listen to Midmorning whenever I want to (and today I ended up listening to a show about gratitude, imagine that!).

Twenty-One. Advent.

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This post was inspired by Ann Voskamp at:

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One Thousand Gifts - Part 1

I stumbled upon a blog the other day called A Holy Experience. The author of the blog is also the author of a book called One Thousand Gifts. I haven't read very much of it yet, and I don't know very much about it. But I thought it was a wonderful idea to keep a running list of gifts in my life, things for which I am grateful. I've felt a great deal of gratitude lately, in the midst of what seems like endless struggle. I've felt strangely grateful, even when anxious. (And I've been anxious a lot.)

So, begins my list...

One. My husband. Mango. My love. He is a most precious gift. A most holy gift. A gift, I've learned, very few people ever receive, even when married. And because of him, I know I have been called to much in this life. Together we can and have and will accomplish much.



Two. Mane. The youngest child, who came to us first. She is both a reflection and so opposite of me. I learn much from her, and together we walk and run through this wild and wooly life.



Three. Vespera. The oldest child, who came to us miraculously. I cannot imagine life without her. Yet there was a time when she was not here. She taught me faith and tenacity and courage.

Four. Niteo. My son-in-law. Child and not child. Gift to my Vespera.



Five. Co-housing with Vespera and Niteo, which gives us all the opportunity to learn from each other, to practice love and service, honesty and loyalty, openness and intuition.

Six. Sharing a duplex with my in-laws. A gift to them, a gift to us.

Seven. My good friend, who comes for coffee/tea a few mornings a week. So often my lifeline.

Eight. Another good friend, whose children are so close to Mane in age, who is always just a phone call away.

Nine. My Bible Study ladies.

Ten. Book club.

Eleven. Wool socks.