We picked another tomato from the garden this morning...and a carrot! And we cut several sunflowers for the vase on the table. It really is amazing the way all those little seeds turn into great big plants and then real food that we can eat. I've got 4 quarts of canned tomatoes in the cabinet from the garden this summer, and I have 6 more tomatoes in the fridge...not to mention the several dozen that are yet to ripen. I am totally looking forward to next year. Now that I finally broke ground and grew a garden, I'm ready for a bigger one next year. I'm glad I just did it this year even though it was late going in.
So many things in my life are like that garden. I don't know what I'm getting into until I just do it, and then it's wonderful. I put it off, daunted by the size of the task, forgetting that baby steps are possible. I'm learning something about that this year...about taking baby steps, not trying to do everything all at once, not worrying about getting it right the first time, stepping forth without knowing what the end product will be. I thought I knew what faith was before, and now I am astonished. I am learning faith...baby steps...little by little. And now I see how far I have to go. And as I learn faith, I do believe that God takes everything just one step further. The Unseen Hand waits for me just one step ahead, always pulling me forward, calling me forth into the wild future and the abundant provision...calling me to a bigger garden...more work and more provision...more faith and more miracles.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Settling In
Life has been a whirlwind of camp, summer homework, and then school starting and soccer season for the last few months. Vespera came home to us after a long weekend with her family. I sense that our relationship is turning into something new now. It's painful, and yet I'm filled with curiosity. This summer she needed me a lot, and it was intense. She cried and I held her. We walked arm in arm. With the start of school, I think she feels less alone, and I am less her sole comfort. I see less of the deep emotional part of her, and I think the intensity has cooled a bit. Now, it's time for her and I to do the real work of building a relationship. The desperation of the summer months has passed and we are learning the dance of life together. It occured to me that I'm not sure how to be affectionate with her when she's not crying or upset. I'm not sure how to reach out and hug and love her when we're just here, us, being family. It's the German part of me showing up. And I think it's a bit of fear, too. I want to be the right person, do the right thing. God help me. I'm not perfect, but I sure want to be. I don't want to make mistakes with her. She seems so fragile sometimes. Dear perfect God in heaven, show me the way.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Music
You know certain pieces of music can bring you back to certain places, certain times in your life? You can almost smell and taste them the way that the music brings you back...emotions of some past moment suddenly wash over you as the words wash over your brain.
The music that will bring me back to this time in my life...the time when Vespera first joined our family will be UB40, especially "Swing Low," and the soundtrack from Stand by Me, especially Lollipop & Mr. Lee. Vespera sat at the reception following the award ceremony at her summer intership on Friday night humming Mr. Lee. It cracks me up...this Mexican teenager humming American music from the 50's. She's a music-lover, an addict, just like Dh, and he's been digging up music for her and loading it up on her ipod. They're swapping music. Now I find him listening to the Venga Boys and "Oye Como Va." And...uh...I think somebody named Shakira.
I drove her to her intership a few weeks ago early in the morning. She had to be there at 6:30 for a special breakfast. She plugged in her ipod and blared "Red, Red Wine" all the way there. That'll wake you up in the morning. We're all discovering a special love for reggae.
And last night we played the Beach Boys after successfully finding her a bathing suit at the mall. Ah...the bathing suit...that's another story for another day.
The music that will bring me back to this time in my life...the time when Vespera first joined our family will be UB40, especially "Swing Low," and the soundtrack from Stand by Me, especially Lollipop & Mr. Lee. Vespera sat at the reception following the award ceremony at her summer intership on Friday night humming Mr. Lee. It cracks me up...this Mexican teenager humming American music from the 50's. She's a music-lover, an addict, just like Dh, and he's been digging up music for her and loading it up on her ipod. They're swapping music. Now I find him listening to the Venga Boys and "Oye Como Va." And...uh...I think somebody named Shakira.
I drove her to her intership a few weeks ago early in the morning. She had to be there at 6:30 for a special breakfast. She plugged in her ipod and blared "Red, Red Wine" all the way there. That'll wake you up in the morning. We're all discovering a special love for reggae.
And last night we played the Beach Boys after successfully finding her a bathing suit at the mall. Ah...the bathing suit...that's another story for another day.
Monday, July 24, 2006
New Meaning
Everything takes on this crazy sense of meaning since Vespera joined the family. I just gave her and Mane their vitamins. Silly girls. They were lying in bed together. Vespera was reading history homework. Mane was pretending to want to know all about it. I make sure they both get their vitamins. It's weird. I took Vespera to the chiropractor last week, which is totally normal for our family, but she's never been to a chiro before. Her Mexican birth family is all about herbs and natural healing. So, it isn't too much of a stretch for Vespera to learn about the things we "do" like chiropractic and organic foods, natural cleaners and recycling. She showed me last night how her mother pulls her hair in a certain way on her head & makes places on her head "pop" in order to get rid of headaches. I almost fainted when she did it to her head & I heard this loud pop.
And speaking of all the stuff she was telling me last night... She came in my room to say goodnight at about 9:30, and she talked and talked and talked at the edge of our bed until 11:30. Usually we laugh about how Mane can't stop talking. Last night Vespera was like some kind of teenager on the phone, except she was in my room talking to me. She was talking about the half-moons on our fingernails, whether men have hormonal changes when babies are born or not, and what she thinks about black and white magic. We talked (Vespera, Dh & I) about angels and demons and how not all supernatural powers are good...maybe not even those of supposedly "white witches." We talked about how we go directly to God when we have troubles and we pray over our home to be protected from anything evil. We talked about how evil spirits cannot inhabit the same body where God is present. What an unusual turn of conversation. She is hungry for knowledge of God. We have begun reading the Bible after dinner most nights, before anybody gets started on homework or anything. Vespera has even done some of the reading. We've talked a lot of theology in a very short time.
I think God sent her to us BOTH because she is hungry to know more about God AND because we needed something in our lives like her to get us into a faithful routine of paying attention to God as a family.
Last week she cried and cried Thursday night & told me she's not sure she'll ever get used to this. I told her that I think she will but it will be a little like when somebody dies. You become able to live without that person but you still miss them sometimes. You even cry and get really sad sometimes. It gets easier, though, not so heavy. She didn't want to go visit her birth family last weekend because it's hard to leave them again when she comes back here. I told her that she needed to go see them. They can give her so many things that we cannot, and she does not need to tough it out and refuse to see them just because she's trying to get used to being here. I told her that I don't really think that not going homw would make it any easier anyway. She would still miss them.
This morning I made eggs for breakfast. I broke open 6 eggs. Every single one of them had 2 yolks. I got chills every time I broke open another one. I wonder what it means... of course, I suppose it could mean nothing at all, but I find that highly unlikely.
And speaking of all the stuff she was telling me last night... She came in my room to say goodnight at about 9:30, and she talked and talked and talked at the edge of our bed until 11:30. Usually we laugh about how Mane can't stop talking. Last night Vespera was like some kind of teenager on the phone, except she was in my room talking to me. She was talking about the half-moons on our fingernails, whether men have hormonal changes when babies are born or not, and what she thinks about black and white magic. We talked (Vespera, Dh & I) about angels and demons and how not all supernatural powers are good...maybe not even those of supposedly "white witches." We talked about how we go directly to God when we have troubles and we pray over our home to be protected from anything evil. We talked about how evil spirits cannot inhabit the same body where God is present. What an unusual turn of conversation. She is hungry for knowledge of God. We have begun reading the Bible after dinner most nights, before anybody gets started on homework or anything. Vespera has even done some of the reading. We've talked a lot of theology in a very short time.
I think God sent her to us BOTH because she is hungry to know more about God AND because we needed something in our lives like her to get us into a faithful routine of paying attention to God as a family.
Last week she cried and cried Thursday night & told me she's not sure she'll ever get used to this. I told her that I think she will but it will be a little like when somebody dies. You become able to live without that person but you still miss them sometimes. You even cry and get really sad sometimes. It gets easier, though, not so heavy. She didn't want to go visit her birth family last weekend because it's hard to leave them again when she comes back here. I told her that she needed to go see them. They can give her so many things that we cannot, and she does not need to tough it out and refuse to see them just because she's trying to get used to being here. I told her that I don't really think that not going homw would make it any easier anyway. She would still miss them.
This morning I made eggs for breakfast. I broke open 6 eggs. Every single one of them had 2 yolks. I got chills every time I broke open another one. I wonder what it means... of course, I suppose it could mean nothing at all, but I find that highly unlikely.
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