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It's been a while since I've blogged in an ordinary sort of way, and I'm finding myself a bit paralyzed by the vast empty space before me with seemingly nothing to write about. It's not that my life hasn't been it's usually wild and crazy ride. It's just that it hasn't been all the inspirational. ...or it hasn't slowed enough for me to see the inspiration.

I'm thinking that maybe if I give ya'll the rundown of my life since this summer, I'll be able to see the inspiration in it, and, maybe, I'll find myself more grounded after writing it all out...

So, first, from about mid-July to mid-September Mane had terrible night-wakings every single night after falling asleep, sometimes several times a night. We described these as night terrors, but the waking episodes haven't really fit the description of anything. After several weeks of trying various dosages of melatonin and calcium/magnesium supplements, she slept better, but not until I'd made an appointment with a family doctor.

My gut told me something wasn't right. I sure felt silly about it, but I was having persistent thoughts that this could have something to do with Mango's brother's epilepsy. So, we visited a family doc,
who sent us to a neurologist,
who sent us in for an MRI
and a sleep-deprived EEG.

A few weeks of testing later, and we have a diagnosis of nighttime seizures (Benign Rolandic Epilepsy, to be exact)- not exactly what we expected but not entirely surprising, either, given those persistent thoughts I'd been having. If she continues to do well with the melatonin, we won't medicate, and we'll simply wait it out. These types of seizures are supposed to taper off and go away in late adolescence.

So, there's that.

And I got a part time job...going to people's houses and helping rid them of head lice. (Yes, I know, weird, huh?) There's a good story behind this one, though:

After school started this year, I began contemplating how I might be able to contribute financially to the family life here at The Midnight Cafe. The previous year had been one of huge expenses - from medical bills to car transmissions - and I was feeling guilty for staying home with Mane. I was finally feeling really good about homeschooling, but I was wondering if I wasn't being selfish keeping her home and not going out and getting a job. I wondered if this was God's way of telling me that I should put her in school. I started doubting whether I was actually doing a good job or not. ....the thoughts started snowballing and tumbling all over each other, getting bigger and bigger.

So, I was driving around in my oh-so-cool minivan on a Monday by myself, and I began to pray. I begged God for an answer. I prayed and begged and probably whined a little...and then I sat around biting my nails and waiting. On Wednesday that same week, I met up with a friend, who had just started this lice business, and she said she was looking for partners. I signed up. And you know what? I found out that I actually have the patience and focus to...um...nit-pick for several hours at a time. Who knew? I don't know if that's a gift or not, but it's getting us out of the financial pit. And I feel that I've gotten confirmation that homeschooling is still the right thing for us. It's such a relief to feel that snowball of cold doubt melt away.

Now that I've written out these two stories side by side, I'm kind of amazed. Really, I believe that the intuitive voice that was telling me that Mane could be having issues related to seizures just had to be the voice of God. I remember even wondering at the time where in the world that thought came from. It came to me out of the clear blue in the middle of the night and was so urgent that I got up in the morning and made a doctor's appointment. Then I begged God for this answer regarding homeschool and finances, and there it came. And the answer meets our needs so specifically. The job is flexible, pays well, and allows me to spend time with a good friend!

My fabulous women's Bible study began a new study in September, too. The study is by Beth Moore and is entitled, Believing God.

Friends, I have some reasons to believe God. There is some inspiration in my life after all!

Peace!

Praying this prayer for a friend today...

I ran into this poem in Madeleine L'Engle's book, A Swiftly Tilting Planet. In the book the words "At Tara" in the first line are often replaced with the words, "With ______," depending on who needs the "rune" or prayer at any given point in the story. Today, I am praying this prayer for a friend. Feel free to fill in the blank with names or places that need prayers in your life today....

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Patrick's Rune by Madeleine L’Engle

At Tara in this fateful hour
I place all Heaven with its power
And the sun with its brightness,
And the snow with its whiteness,
And the fire with all the strength it hath,
And the lightning with its rapid wrath,
And the winds with their swiftness along their path,
And the sea with its deepness,
And the rocks with their steepness,
And the earth with its starkness:
All these I place
By God’s almighty help and grace
Between myself and the powers of darkness!

Life Without Church - Part 3

See Part 3 over at: If Life is a Highway

Life Without Church - Part 2

Go see my post today at:  If Life is a Highway...

Life Without Church - Part 1

I was contemplating church and faith today. So, you can go read my thoughts over at: If Life is a Highway... See you there!

Ornament

Creativity Boot Camp - Day 8

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I once heard a story about a man and a woman, who were planning to get married, and at some point along the way the woman realized that her purpose in the relationship was ornamental. She was filling a spot. Her husband-to-be needed to be married in order to have a certain status and in order to reach certain goals. She was a trophy, someone to hang on his arm and support and admire all of his causes. And she realized that this wasn't how she wanted to live the rest of her life. She had dreams and aspirations and goals of her own. And she broke off the engagement.

It sounds simple, doesn't it? Yet, I know it wasn't. It couldn't have been. When you have your heart and your life invested enough to plan a marriage, when you have someone who makes you feel beautiful, even ornamental, it's anything but simple to walk away. She could have lived a comfortable life in a comfortable house with a comfortable discretionary income. But she didn't. She wanted to work hard, to get dirty, to be someone. She didn't want to be a fragile ornament hanging on her husband's arm. I admire that. I am not an ornament. And I'm not living this life here to be ornamental. I want to live hard and know that if I fall I won't break. I want to be a partner to my husband and not his trophy.

Thank God I have a husband who expects me to be his teammate. Together we are strong. If he was working alone, and I was his ornament, we'd both be fragile. And we'd be lonely. The life we live is a lot more beautiful this way...more like a huge patterned quilt that wraps around and keeps us warm than a lovely, lonely ornament hanging by itself.

Fly

Creativity Boot Camp - Day 7

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I know. It's been a long time since I've visited the Boot Camp. But I'm trying hard to actually follow through with this thing. You know, you can't call it boot camp if you give up, right? So, I'm going to keep plugging away. One post at a time.

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It wasn't flying. It was swimming, but it seemed so much like flying that, for a few second, the two might be mistaken.  I was sitting on the beach, warm sand and a chilly breeze off the harbor, our two families laughing and screaming and delighting in the crash of waves larger than those we typically see in the summer at the Great Lake. My Spanish is poor to middling, and she doesn't speak English. So, we sat quietly most of the time, now and then interjecting a "wow!" or a laugh. Our children played in the waves, my daughter and her son...and our husbands...and Mane. We were the mothers sitting there shivering on the beach, smiles wide.

And I looked up to see Vespera & Niteo turn their backs to a huge wave as it crashed over their heads, saw them bob up and hold each other tight. Then Vespera ducked under the waves, and just for a second I wished I had a camera, though I knew it wouldn't do any justice to what I saw, to what was in my heart or before my eyes or in the air and the wind and the waves. A huge wave came rolling in, and just as it approached, Niteo turned his back to it and spread his arms out wide, flying free, and the wave rolled right over his head. For just an instant, I saw him through the wave, in the middle of the wave, covered and embraced...and embracing. I thought of how this has always been a freeing place for him, a place of homesickness and healing at the same time. The wind continued to blow, and the waves crashed, and Vespera and Niteo spun through the waves, ducking and diving and bobbing and laughing, as the seagulls overhead laughed and spun and dove in the wind. Flying.

I don't know how or when we are ever all free of the bits of life that entangle us, the worries of school and money and career and children and health and poverty and crime. But, I know that somehow, we are offered freedom in our hearts. We can step out of the tangle and fly. Maybe we rise above (or Rise Against?), and maybe its the wind in our faces or the waves pouring over us that set us free.