Today I feel strangely uplifted, as though I really can manage the time between now and when Mango gets home. I feel like this major separation is finally coming to an end.
...though now I'm wishing that the mouse would have found a different time to die inside the stove somewhere where I cannot reach it. I called my mom and discovered that you CAN actually lift up the top of the stove and have a look around under there. Unfortunately, though the smell is definitely coming from the top of the stove somewhere, not the bottom or inside the oven, I cannot SEE a mouse anywhere. I wouldn't say "unfortunate" except that this means I am left with the smell of dead mouse and no way to remove it.
So, I took a trip to Target for some heavy duty air freshener. Then I turned the stove up to 500 degrees in hopes of drying the nasty thing out. I *did* google search "mouse died in stove," but all anyone could really say was that the smell would go away eventually. Thanks.
And happy homecoming to Mango...don't mind that nasty smell in the kitchen. It'll go away soon.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Archiving my old quote of the week...
"When the Unseen Hand leads you in its grasp, you follow. Or turn back and live in eternal regret. Of course there is no certainty in following either. That is what makes faith. Follow or turn back. There is no middle way." ~ Merlin in Merlin by Stephen R. Lawhead
Day 10
We're into two-digit numbers finally...day 10. Now, I can feel like Mango will actually be home SOON. Day 13 isn't even a whole day, either. He'll be home halfway through day 13!!! And my thoughts are turned toward his homecoming. How can I make it special? He's pre-warned me that he'll be exhausted and may need a nap. So, I'm pre-warning Mane that we're not going to climb all over daddy when he gets home, and we're going to try to help him rest. I hope it works. I want his homecoming to be smooth and peaceful. I want home to feel comfortable, familiar, and nourishing.
I have to remember this. I know that he feels the same way when he gets home from teaching every day during the school year, but I don't take the time to think out how to make the transition smooth. I'm not talking about trying to be Martha Stewart here (poor lady...it must be tough to have your name coined as a term for the perfect homemaker). I'm not talking about being a perfect happy homemaker. I just want to learn to do small, simple things that help a little.
Now that my mind isn't in the fog of having a baby/toddler/preschooler, I have some mental space to really work on our home life. I like this assignment. I never thought I'd say that. It sounds so traditional, but I really, really do. I enjoy being the one who keeps things running around here. I like to know they can make it without me, too. That's important to me. But I've really come to appreciate my role in our family. I'm getting more settled about it after some times of struggling with why I got my Master's degree and if I'll ever get my therapy license. Mango has helped me a lot. He overflows with appreciation for the things I do, and I feel so humbled.
I have to remember this. I know that he feels the same way when he gets home from teaching every day during the school year, but I don't take the time to think out how to make the transition smooth. I'm not talking about trying to be Martha Stewart here (poor lady...it must be tough to have your name coined as a term for the perfect homemaker). I'm not talking about being a perfect happy homemaker. I just want to learn to do small, simple things that help a little.
Now that my mind isn't in the fog of having a baby/toddler/preschooler, I have some mental space to really work on our home life. I like this assignment. I never thought I'd say that. It sounds so traditional, but I really, really do. I enjoy being the one who keeps things running around here. I like to know they can make it without me, too. That's important to me. But I've really come to appreciate my role in our family. I'm getting more settled about it after some times of struggling with why I got my Master's degree and if I'll ever get my therapy license. Mango has helped me a lot. He overflows with appreciation for the things I do, and I feel so humbled.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Elfquest
They are comic books. You should read them. But don't read the new ones published by Manga. You have to read the old ones. I've never read comic books in my life, but these are worth the time.
http://www.elfquest.com/
http://www.elfquest.com/
Day 8
Well, Mango's trip is more than half over now. Vespera left for camp this morning. She'll return one week after Mango returns. What a crazy whirlwind. My job, however, seems to be to stay at home and nurture people through their goodbyes and homecomings...myself included.
We're a very emotional group of people, my little family and I. The home atmosphere has been one of love and sympathy, longing and homesickness, generosity and care-taking this past week, as we leaned on each other, missing Mango and preparing for Vespera to go. We trouped out together to the beach & shopping & the fair, made meals, stayed up late... We talked with Mango, passed the phone around the table, even to Novio. And last night Novio came over to say goodbye to Vespera for the next two weeks. Now that they've both gone, it's time to start looking forward to some homecomings.
The whole week has gotten me thinking, though, about the way that partings and reunions affect us, about the varying levels at which people are affected by the distance and time they spend away from people whom they love and the ways we cope with that distance and time.
Both Vespera and Novio have experienced what I would describe as significant periods of abandonment in their lifetimes. Their parting last night was tinged with just the tiniest pangs of fear, as was her parting with me this morning. Last night she very seriously implored me to remember to pick her up when she returns. And I affirmed for the zillionth time that I will never forget her, nor will I ever leave her anywhere.
For my own part, I walk around feeling like half my oxygen is gone. I've been reading Elfquest, and I love the way certain things about relationships are expressed in those books. I love the terms "Lifemate" and "Lovemate," the way they call their partners "Beloved," and the way each person has a soul name that is only known by those very closest to their heart and which is only used privately. I seldom read stories of that kind of connection. The connection between Lifemates allows them also to feel each other's pain, even from a distance, or to know when the other is in trouble.
Sometimes I feel like I'm making a mountain of a molehill with all my pining after Mango. I *really* do function just fine on a daily basis, but my thoughts pull toward him like a powerful magnetic force. He sent me a song the other day that goes like this:
Everywhere I Go by Jackson Browne
Chorus:
I hear your heart beating everywhere
When we're apart I can hear you there
I hear your heart beating everywhere
Everywhere I go
People say that I must be in love
The way I forget what we're speaking of
The way I stand there smiling straight ahead
And walk away without hearing a word they said
chorus
In the middle of the football game
At the beach in the pouring rain
Standing on a hillside staring at the sun
People hurry by the unfortunate one
With the faraway eyes and the mystery smile
Moving my body in a ragamuffin style
I can't sit down when I hear it start
I hear you heart everywhere I go
People say that I must be a fool
Cause when I'm near you I cannot be cool
I don't quite make sense when I talk to you
And when you smile I forget everything I knew
chorus
Standing in the market where I buy my bread
With a hunger in my belly and a rhythm in my head
Looking all around for something good to eat
Between the butter and the beans and the mops and the meat
Coffee from the mountain, honey from the bee
Nothing tastes as good as you taste to me
Rocking in the aisle to my inside song
People staring at me think I got a walkman on
I hear your heart beating everywhere
I hear your heart
I hear your heart beating everywhere
I hear you heart
Beating everywhere I go
We're a very emotional group of people, my little family and I. The home atmosphere has been one of love and sympathy, longing and homesickness, generosity and care-taking this past week, as we leaned on each other, missing Mango and preparing for Vespera to go. We trouped out together to the beach & shopping & the fair, made meals, stayed up late... We talked with Mango, passed the phone around the table, even to Novio. And last night Novio came over to say goodbye to Vespera for the next two weeks. Now that they've both gone, it's time to start looking forward to some homecomings.
The whole week has gotten me thinking, though, about the way that partings and reunions affect us, about the varying levels at which people are affected by the distance and time they spend away from people whom they love and the ways we cope with that distance and time.
Both Vespera and Novio have experienced what I would describe as significant periods of abandonment in their lifetimes. Their parting last night was tinged with just the tiniest pangs of fear, as was her parting with me this morning. Last night she very seriously implored me to remember to pick her up when she returns. And I affirmed for the zillionth time that I will never forget her, nor will I ever leave her anywhere.
For my own part, I walk around feeling like half my oxygen is gone. I've been reading Elfquest, and I love the way certain things about relationships are expressed in those books. I love the terms "Lifemate" and "Lovemate," the way they call their partners "Beloved," and the way each person has a soul name that is only known by those very closest to their heart and which is only used privately. I seldom read stories of that kind of connection. The connection between Lifemates allows them also to feel each other's pain, even from a distance, or to know when the other is in trouble.
Sometimes I feel like I'm making a mountain of a molehill with all my pining after Mango. I *really* do function just fine on a daily basis, but my thoughts pull toward him like a powerful magnetic force. He sent me a song the other day that goes like this:
Everywhere I Go by Jackson Browne
Chorus:
I hear your heart beating everywhere
When we're apart I can hear you there
I hear your heart beating everywhere
Everywhere I go
People say that I must be in love
The way I forget what we're speaking of
The way I stand there smiling straight ahead
And walk away without hearing a word they said
chorus
In the middle of the football game
At the beach in the pouring rain
Standing on a hillside staring at the sun
People hurry by the unfortunate one
With the faraway eyes and the mystery smile
Moving my body in a ragamuffin style
I can't sit down when I hear it start
I hear you heart everywhere I go
People say that I must be a fool
Cause when I'm near you I cannot be cool
I don't quite make sense when I talk to you
And when you smile I forget everything I knew
chorus
Standing in the market where I buy my bread
With a hunger in my belly and a rhythm in my head
Looking all around for something good to eat
Between the butter and the beans and the mops and the meat
Coffee from the mountain, honey from the bee
Nothing tastes as good as you taste to me
Rocking in the aisle to my inside song
People staring at me think I got a walkman on
I hear your heart beating everywhere
I hear your heart
I hear your heart beating everywhere
I hear you heart
Beating everywhere I go
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Food & Homesickness - Still Day 6
Mango says he sat around talking with another teacher the other day about all the foods they cook at home with their spouses and how much they miss home. Food *does* seem to be one of those things that constantly reminds you that you aren't home, as we learned with Vespera. She could keep up a pretty good facade until we sat down at the dinner table and everything, I mean *everything* was unfamiliar. Then she looked like she wanted to cry...every night...for a long time. Meals make you homesick.
For Mango's sake, I thought I'd tell everyone that Mane and I went impulse shopping at the grocery store today and came home with spicy black bean dip (which she tried a sample of at the store and LOVED), garlic stuffed olives, Australian cheddar cheese, and watermelon. (We came home with other things, but those were the more impulsive choices.) Somebody at the co-op actually commented on Mane's sophisticated taste. Today for lunch we had rice & beans with avocados. Nothing special, but I know it speaks of home.
I know that Mango will be jealous and homesick when he reads this, but, I have to say, I think I have homesickness in reverse. I make food that I know Mango loves, and then I miss his face at the table when I eat it. Remember what I said about how my family *is* home to me? And now part of "home" is missing, and I am, indeed, homesick.
For Mango's sake, I thought I'd tell everyone that Mane and I went impulse shopping at the grocery store today and came home with spicy black bean dip (which she tried a sample of at the store and LOVED), garlic stuffed olives, Australian cheddar cheese, and watermelon. (We came home with other things, but those were the more impulsive choices.) Somebody at the co-op actually commented on Mane's sophisticated taste. Today for lunch we had rice & beans with avocados. Nothing special, but I know it speaks of home.
I know that Mango will be jealous and homesick when he reads this, but, I have to say, I think I have homesickness in reverse. I make food that I know Mango loves, and then I miss his face at the table when I eat it. Remember what I said about how my family *is* home to me? And now part of "home" is missing, and I am, indeed, homesick.
Day 6
I dreamed of kissing Mango, and I thought to myself, in my dream, "Mango isn't here. How can I feel his lips?" And just as that thought surfaced in my consciousness, I woke.
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