A Teacher's Wife - Warning: Major RANT

When Hollywood finally writes a movie about the families of teachers...well, that'll never happen, and I'm not sure what I'll do. Some time ago I saw the movie Freedom Writers, and I took note of the fact that the teacher in the movie gets tons of recognition, which she probably should, and, even now, she is a traveling public speaker, who sells her ideas about how to create a successful classroom to teachers all over America. There's only one major problem. Her personal life is a shambles. In the movie, the teacher takes on an extra job to pay for materials for her students. She works long extra hours to arrange fancy banquets and special events so her students can have some pretty amazing experiences. One day, she comes home and her husband is sitting there with his suitcases packed. They hardly know each other any more. She claims that this period of their marriage was the time when they were both going to work on their careers and pour their energy into their dreams before they had children...blah, blah, blah. I gotta tell you something, a marriage needs TIME to survive. And Hollywood is selling the idea that the best teachers give up their whole lives for their classroom. Hollywood sells us these success stories that only make me sit and cry, not because they're so touching, but because the teachers in those stories have given up *everything* to teach.

I thank God every time I see those stories that Mango is not that kind of teacher. But I bet his student's parents don't want to hear that, and neither does the school district. I gotta tell you, I am so sick and tired of everyone expecting teachers to be these martyrs who will do anything to improve the lives of their students, even if it means not coming home to their own families at night. (And then blaming teachers whenever everything isn't perfect.) Mango works as hard as he possibly can to do his job well without flaking out on his family every day. For weeks on end he stayed after school with no extra pay to build a computer lab with his advanced students. A few years later, he built a robot with another group of students, all on his own time and off the district clock. Nobody wrote a movie about him. And nobody wrote a book about me...or Mane...or Vespera...about the time we spent riding the bus so we could come sit in the classroom after school and draw on the whiteboard and watch Mango work. So, at least, we could be in the same room. People recognize us at the school because we have packed lunches many Saturdays and gone to clean Mango's office and grade papers together...because we aren't willing to sacrifice the time we have together, even if it means working side by side.

So, it particularly hurt when the "district" called this week and said that Mango need to go to a conference in two weeks...beginning on a day that we already have hotel reservations for our 10th anniversary. If he wants his old job back (yes, he got rehired at the same school) he has to go to this conference. It's our 10th anniversary. But, of course, nobody cares. Or rather, they pretend to care, and then assume, because he's a teacher, that he should do it anyway. He'll be gone for 2 weeks. We can't afford to go with him. So, there it is. Maybe we'll have our 10th anniversary next year. *sigh* He won't be gone on our actual anniversary, just some of the days we were planning to be gone together...and already had a babysitter arranged.

There you have it people. I hate the way teaching is portrayed in the movies. I hate the way American politicians assume that teachers aren't doing their jobs, and that's what's the matter with American schools. I hate the way teachers are expected to work at least 20 hours more per week than their contract, and when they threaten to only work the contract everyone whines about how it's hurting the students. I hate the way everyone pretends that teachers don't have spouses and children. I hate the pained look in Mango's eyes every time he has to make a choice about where to spend his time, knowing that there aren't really any win-win choices.

Maybe they had it right at Hogwarts. The teachers are all single and live at the school.

Parents of the Year Award

I don't know what impressed me most. Maybe it was standing in the kitchen while our friends prepared a summer picnic with their 12 & 15 year old kids and the whole family started dancing when a when the ipod shuffled to a well-known song. They danced around each other singing out their favorite lines & giving each other "looks" like they had their own inside joke going on. Or maybe it was when we sat around the table under the trees in the back yard, and the 15-yr old son kept throwing mock punches back & forth with his dad. They joked and teased easily with each other, agreed and disagreed, told stories, shared their favorite music, chatted with us, and groaned together over their most recent trip to visit family out of state. Probably it was when the same 15yr old son leaned on his dad & gave him a great big hug when we were all standing around in the dining room saying our goodbyes. Maybe it had something to do with the way both parents still call their 12yr old daughter, "Princess," and are helping her pursue her interests in performing arts. It could have been the way we all trouped over to the local bike shop together and the people who run the place knew the whole family, and was willing to help out with whatever we all might need.

I don't know exactly what it was, but these people get the Parents of the Year award in my little world. Their kids know how to have a conversation & how to listen. They know how to joke with each other, but also how to look out for each other. They are brimming with humor, creativity, warmth, compassion, and loyalty. The two kids know how to think for themselves and also how to look to their parents for advice. I'm *sure* they're on their best behavior when we're there, but, clearly, the best behavior isn't forced. Their interactions flow naturally and spontaneously.

I admire them. I want what they have. So, I watch them carefully...the few times a year when we really see them. You have people in your life like that, right? People you love dearly, but you only see them once in a blue moon? I'm paying attention, though, soaking up every second, noticing all the little things.

And what have I learned? Really, only this: They seem to really *like* their kids. They don't just love them, they like them. They like to spend time with them. They engage them in conversation, treat them like real people, as, in fact, real functioning members of the family unit. And they've done this for as long as I can remember...for the last 11 years that I've known them. They've always been proud of their kids, they tease them, engage them in family decision-making, help them pursue their own creative ideas, take them along for important things, respect their individuality.

And, they have always used a LOT of humor. Humor is so useful in diffusing situations, in gaining cooperation, in reconnecting when there's been a breech in connection. I, personally, wish I was better with humor. I've always been so serious. It's hard for me to come up with something humorous, especially when things are difficult and painful. I wonder if one can develop humor? ;)

In any case, I'm trying to focus less on how to parent "right" and more on just knowing my kids and enjoying the things I like about them. I wonder how it would help all of us to just have a strong foundation in knowing that people like us? Less focus on behavior and more focus on just who we are as people, as humans, as family.

Archiving my old quote of the week...

"She had caused to surround us the very atmosphere of "home," so that however far we traveled, however strange the territory, I was "home" as long as I was with her. "
— Walter Wangerin, Jr. (As For Me And My House: Crafting Your Marriage To Last)

Happy Birthday to Me

So, I turn 30 tomorrow, just days after watching my youngest daughter learn to ride a bicycle. And I've been thinking about how life is kind of like that - like learning to ride a bike. Pedal, pedal, steer, balance, steer, balance, pedal. It's doing all of those things at the same time that's tough...not to mention keeping your head up so you can see where you're going and watching for on-coming traffic.

I feel like I'm getting kind of good at it, though - at riding the bike of life. I'm not upset about turning 30. I think I learned something in the last few years about being a "grown-up" in some very important ways while still being adventurous, vibrant, and full of life. I think I'm finally getting the "balance" part down after years of pedaling and steering. I've worked and worked and worked, pedaled and pedaled and pedaled to get here, often tipping too far to the right or left. I feel more balanced now, and maybe I can slow up on the pedaling a little and enjoy the scenery. Maybe I'll learn to do some tricks. Or maybe I'm headed for some more rugged terrain, and I'll take up mountain biking. But, hey, at least I know how to ride the bike now!

Maybe now it's less about learning how and more about learning endurance, perseverance, even how to trust and relax...loosen my grip on those handlebars, huh? Maybe even learn to ride with no hands while the Unseen Hand steers the bike for a while? This is what's hard. Keep going, endure, but also trust, relax, loosen up, let go, break free.

I'm looking forward to this chapter, this journey, this part of the trail. I *know* Gad hasn't brought me this far to watch me crash now...which isn't to say that I don't expect any suffering in the future, but just that I expect something beautiful to come of it because God is my God and God is love. God's love means I can trust something beautiful to come even from suffering, and not that God plans or creates suffering, but that the suffering that happens as the result of the free will of God's created people can be turned into good in my life because I love God and God loves me. That's the promise God gives, and I choose, today, to believe it.

Now, if only I can ride forward, with my head up and a loose, yet determined, grip. That would be the best birthday present to myself.

Happy Birthday to me.

If Life is a Highway

Since I FINALLY posted there, I thought I'd advertise to all of you another blog, of which I am a co-author: If Life is a Highway. You can also find the link in my sidebar. My friend, Heather, was gracious enough to invite me to write with her there along with her friend, Sabrina. Come on over and have a look!

Funny Camping story

Mane saw a pop-up tent trailer for the first time. She observed how the bunks stick out the sides of the pop up, and you could see the beds since the curtains were open. The people who were staying in the tent trailer were sitting out by their fire when we were walking by & Mane loudly proclaimed, "How embarrassing to have to sleep like that!!"

Photos from Whitewater

Hiking Trail


Cliffs


Flood Damage


More Flood Damage


Food Picure! ...just for Tesha!


And Feet Picture! ...also for Tesha!


Our Campsite