Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Funny Camping story
Mane saw a pop-up tent trailer for the first time. She observed how the bunks stick out the sides of the pop up, and you could see the beds since the curtains were open. The people who were staying in the tent trailer were sitting out by their fire when we were walking by & Mane loudly proclaimed, "How embarrassing to have to sleep like that!!"
Photos from Whitewater
Hiking Trail
Cliffs
Flood Damage
More Flood Damage
Food Picure! ...just for Tesha!
And Feet Picture! ...also for Tesha!
Our Campsite
Cliffs
Flood Damage
More Flood Damage
Food Picure! ...just for Tesha!
And Feet Picture! ...also for Tesha!
Our Campsite
Whitewater State Park
I promised to write about camping. So, here I am. When I'm on a different computer, I'll post pictures, too.
We spent 3 nights, 4 days at Whitewater State Park in southern Minnesota where the rumors proved true that there are indeed very few mosquitos at Whitewater. "We" included myself, Mango, Vespera, Mane & Novio. Yes, everything, including the gluten free groceries, fit in the Subaru Forester, though somehow it all took up the same amount of space on the way home, though we had eaten most of the food. We learned that Mane can hike longer than all the rest of us combined, that last year's flood left rock piles on the sides of the river full of all kinds of interesting gems, and that cool nights and warm days make perfect camping weather, as long as you have a warm enough sleeping bag.
We also learned, again, that we have the best family ever, that we can do anything, and that some major bumps in the road - like a trip to the emergency room and another trip to the sporting good's store in Rochester to get warmer nighttime gear -don't have to ruin a trip. We *still* came home raving about what a great trip it was, and I made reservations today for our next camping trip in August. We're troopers, and we have a sense of humor.
Everything in my life these days has something to do with letting go, with breaking free, with loosening my grip a little bit. This trip included the aforementioned major events that required some letting go, but those aren't the things that really pierced my heart and taught me something. I handle major catastrophes pretty well. What lays my heart open this year is something that most parents experience sooner or later...the letting go of their children. And I realized something. Letting our children go doesn't mean that we have a sudden rush of relief that we're no longer responsible for them or that now we can relax and believe that everything will be fine. In fact, seeing them move away, get married, have their own children simply provides more opportunity for anxiety and more things and people to be anxious about. Which means, that unless I can take this anxiety to the cross, I'm stuck with it...and more...for the rest of my life. Nice thought, eh?
To what do I owe this sudden preoccupation with letting go? Well, I owe it to Novio and his presence on our trip, of course...his responsible, compassionate, humorous, and gracious presence. Vespera & Novio began dating over 14 months ago now, a little over a year, and their relationship continues to deepen in a way that seems to be leading toward a lifelong commitment. I saw the way they work and play together, the way they tease and protect each other, the way Vespera is tranferring some of her reliance on myself and Mango to reliance on Novio. And I am practicing the oft-neglected art of staying out of the way. It's a careful dance - knowing when to speak up and when to be quiet, when to carefully plant a word of advice and when to wait it out.
I *do* see and acknowledge how this "letting go" is not a real letting go at all but only a change of roles. And I see how Vespera's eventual commitment to a lifelong partner will involve more gain than loss for all of us...a son for us, possible grandchildren. Wow. Too much to think about. I have to admit I love the feeling that we're building a more full family. I love having 5 people on a trip. I love the way we troop around together. I love the way it feels comfortable and natural, the way Mango and I take up our role together as partners and parents.
I am dizzy with how fast my life has changed in the last few years. Just barely over two years ago I would never have imagined that I'd be sending a daughter to college next year, or thinking of her eventual marriage. I don't feel a whole lot wiser, but I do feel as though I've grown up some. I've grown up enough to be "mom" to a 17 year old and to sometimes "mother" her 19 year old boyfriend. Our time with her has not been enough, though, and that's where the letting go is difficult and painful. It doesn't matter, though, that it's painful. It is necessary and healthy, for her empowerment, for her happiness and health, for her ability to live and love and be free.
And I suppose that's what raising children is all about.
We spent 3 nights, 4 days at Whitewater State Park in southern Minnesota where the rumors proved true that there are indeed very few mosquitos at Whitewater. "We" included myself, Mango, Vespera, Mane & Novio. Yes, everything, including the gluten free groceries, fit in the Subaru Forester, though somehow it all took up the same amount of space on the way home, though we had eaten most of the food. We learned that Mane can hike longer than all the rest of us combined, that last year's flood left rock piles on the sides of the river full of all kinds of interesting gems, and that cool nights and warm days make perfect camping weather, as long as you have a warm enough sleeping bag.
We also learned, again, that we have the best family ever, that we can do anything, and that some major bumps in the road - like a trip to the emergency room and another trip to the sporting good's store in Rochester to get warmer nighttime gear -don't have to ruin a trip. We *still* came home raving about what a great trip it was, and I made reservations today for our next camping trip in August. We're troopers, and we have a sense of humor.
Everything in my life these days has something to do with letting go, with breaking free, with loosening my grip a little bit. This trip included the aforementioned major events that required some letting go, but those aren't the things that really pierced my heart and taught me something. I handle major catastrophes pretty well. What lays my heart open this year is something that most parents experience sooner or later...the letting go of their children. And I realized something. Letting our children go doesn't mean that we have a sudden rush of relief that we're no longer responsible for them or that now we can relax and believe that everything will be fine. In fact, seeing them move away, get married, have their own children simply provides more opportunity for anxiety and more things and people to be anxious about. Which means, that unless I can take this anxiety to the cross, I'm stuck with it...and more...for the rest of my life. Nice thought, eh?
To what do I owe this sudden preoccupation with letting go? Well, I owe it to Novio and his presence on our trip, of course...his responsible, compassionate, humorous, and gracious presence. Vespera & Novio began dating over 14 months ago now, a little over a year, and their relationship continues to deepen in a way that seems to be leading toward a lifelong commitment. I saw the way they work and play together, the way they tease and protect each other, the way Vespera is tranferring some of her reliance on myself and Mango to reliance on Novio. And I am practicing the oft-neglected art of staying out of the way. It's a careful dance - knowing when to speak up and when to be quiet, when to carefully plant a word of advice and when to wait it out.
I *do* see and acknowledge how this "letting go" is not a real letting go at all but only a change of roles. And I see how Vespera's eventual commitment to a lifelong partner will involve more gain than loss for all of us...a son for us, possible grandchildren. Wow. Too much to think about. I have to admit I love the feeling that we're building a more full family. I love having 5 people on a trip. I love the way we troop around together. I love the way it feels comfortable and natural, the way Mango and I take up our role together as partners and parents.
I am dizzy with how fast my life has changed in the last few years. Just barely over two years ago I would never have imagined that I'd be sending a daughter to college next year, or thinking of her eventual marriage. I don't feel a whole lot wiser, but I do feel as though I've grown up some. I've grown up enough to be "mom" to a 17 year old and to sometimes "mother" her 19 year old boyfriend. Our time with her has not been enough, though, and that's where the letting go is difficult and painful. It doesn't matter, though, that it's painful. It is necessary and healthy, for her empowerment, for her happiness and health, for her ability to live and love and be free.
And I suppose that's what raising children is all about.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Flood
I *will* write about the camping trip soon, as it was everything I could have hoped for, some things I didn't hope for, and a whole lot more. ;)
First, though, I want to direct you all to the blog of a friend whose house is flooded in Iowa:
Exit 242
If you scroll down the page, you can see the YouTube video that Andrew made of visiting their house in a canoe.
If you haven't heard about the flooding in the Midwest U.S., you can get a brief, recent report here:
Flood Museum Under Water in Iowa
Please pray. This is so difficult for so many.
First, though, I want to direct you all to the blog of a friend whose house is flooded in Iowa:
Exit 242
If you scroll down the page, you can see the YouTube video that Andrew made of visiting their house in a canoe.
If you haven't heard about the flooding in the Midwest U.S., you can get a brief, recent report here:
Flood Museum Under Water in Iowa
Please pray. This is so difficult for so many.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Camping!!
We're going camping next week, and I am SO VERY EXCITED!! Did I mention that I'm excited?! Camping has always been so good for my soul, and this year I am looking forward to the trip as the beginning of our journey into summer. I've had a full plate this year, loads of anxiety, maximum stress levels, and I'm still operating under high stress mode until we get out the door, but I can't begin to tell you how much I'm looking forward to this trip. I feel like I'm ready to embrace the quiet, the peace, the stillness. I am SO READY this year. And it's not because it's been so stressful, but because I think my heart is more open this year. Every year I heal a little more from past hurts. I grow up a little. I learn. So, every year I'm a little more open to what I can receive in the quiet. Each year we camp in June when school gets out and before it's too hot. This year is tough because we'll be packing up Mango's office at school when we return home. I'm hoping, though, that the trip will revive us, that we'll return home with more joy and energy for the journey. A new sense of direction might be asking too much, but, perhaps, we'll even gain some excitement about the possibilities ahead.
Friday, June 06, 2008
The Piece I Read at the Wedding in Belize
"...tell me the word that will win you, and I will speak it. I will speak the stars of heaven into a crown for your head; I will speak the flowers of the field into a cloak; I will speak the racing stream into a melody for your ears and the voices of a thousand larks to sing it; I will speak the softness of night for your bed and the warmth of summer for your coverlet; I will speak the brightness of flame to light your way and the luster of gold to shine in your smile; I will speak until the hardness in you melts away and your heart is free..."
— Taliesin to Charis in Book One of the Pendragon Cycle: Taliesin by Stephen R. Lawhead
— Taliesin to Charis in Book One of the Pendragon Cycle: Taliesin by Stephen R. Lawhead
Archiving my old quote of the week...
"Bread is as spiritual as human life gets. Rumi wrote, 'Be a well-baked loaf.' Loaves are made to be eaten, to be buttered, and shared. Rumi is saying to be of service, to be delicious and give life."
~ Anne Lamott from Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith
~ Anne Lamott from Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith
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